Shame

Life Through Movies #6

My blood work test results came back. They place an * to any measurement that is out of range. I had many more asterisks than blank lines. Cholesterol, glucose, bilirubin, triglycerides... the list went on. I had the metabolic age of a 44 year old man, 16 years older than my real age.

For years now, I knew I’d been a bit overweight, tried many times to eat healthier and exercise, but returned to the same habits after a few weeks. Even with actual numbers in front of me this time, I began telling myself it's not that bad. I'll just cut down on beer and 7-Eleven hotdogs. Or just stop adding melted cheese to them. Once again, I was starting to convince myself that slight changes would do it.

But triglycerides were especially out of range. My wife, being involved in a health startup at the time, said with teary eyes that she had never seen that high of a number, even after analyzing hundreds of tests from people in all age brackets. Hearing that from her lips while watching her worried face made a deep impact on me.

It was a similar moment as the scene in Steve McQueen's Shame where sex-addict Brandon is discovered by his sister masturbating in his bathroom and then his sex toys stash. Her shocked, disturbed look at him eventually makes him start throwing out all his pornography, laptop included.

Thankfully, my addiction was much closer to food porn than real porn and didn’t have to throw out my laptop, but that exact moment with my wife made me immediately begin what I deemed the "crusade against triglycerides”.

As in Brandon’s case, it was only the start of a long and winding road. After trying many, many different kinds of workouts and diets, I finally settled on the Happy Body¹ and the slow-carb diet² with high-quality Omega-3.

Weighing 32 pounds less and 2 years later, I was within normal ranges in all measurements. Throughout the many ups and downs during that journey, the match that had irrevocably ignited the fire that kept me going was my wife's expressive look.
Being seen through the eyes of someone you deeply love and trust can have powerful effects.

As for Brandon’s outcome after his sister’s look, well, you’ll have to watch the movie to find out.

LOOK OUT FOR:

• The singing scene. Nothing is explicitly said, so much is strongly conveyed.

• Which is the case for the whole movie. For every ounce of explicit nudity, it is conversely subtle (but effective) at explaining what is going on

• That takes me to the protagonists. In my opinion, Michael Fassbender is the best actor alive. He conveys so much with a subtle look, a movement of his hand. From the first few seconds you can see him suffering, hating his life but not being able to get out of it, with very few words

• Carey Mulligan is not that far behind him, her face has so many complex expressions that you feel she's in a very dark place, without ever saying it.

• It's also my favorite movie by director Steve McQueen. He would then go on to make 12 Years a Slave, that would win every award imaginable. Though I find his previous movie, Hunger, much more interesting (damn, just remembering that unbroken 17-minute shot gives me chills)

• The movie is set in NYC, and ever since I watched it, I can't go into a New York subway without thinking of that movie. Try to notice all those little moments that are happening in front of your eyes: the small glances, the accidental and not-so-accidental body rubs, the stories behind it all…

Enjoy!

1. You can find more on this comprehensive workout here

2. Popularized by Tim Ferriss, here’s an excellent one-pager or deeper dives here or here

---