Professional Photo Tour through Rome? Too cheesy. Bar hopping through Naples? Too unhealthy. Cuddle with Strangers in Tuscany? Too weird. Paul has been scrolling for hours through the Airbnb Experiences site, looking for the perfect one.
Then one catches his eye: “Rent a Nonna”.
Cook alongside a 99-year-old Italian grandma (born and raised) in the off-the-beaten-path town of Nuoro, on the island of Sardinia, off the west coast of Italy. You'll be let in on the secrets of cooking su filindeu, the almost-extinct style of pasta known as "threads of God" that only 10 people on Earth know how to make. Francesca, your personalized grandma, is the only one who speaks any English out of those 10 and will guide you through this authentic cultural experience. She will be 100% available to you on the 3 days that the experience lasts, hosting you in her own traditional home, and teaching you both the intricacies of making this sacred pasta and Italian culture. This spot opens only once a year and it's for a maximum of 2 people. *Water to cook the pasta not included.
Paul can't believe his luck, it's available during the dates Mariana, his soon-to-be-wife, and him, will be in Italy for their honeymoon. He clicks the “Reserve" button. The checkout page offers a few paid upgrades:
Would you like to sleep on the ground like the island’s original inhabitants?
Truffles instead of mushrooms for the pasta?
Underwater traditional Sardinian meditation with nonna?
He checks all three. The grand total is: $3,745. Damn hidden fees, the experience itself was only $500, Paul thinks. He presses “Confirm and Pay” before having time to regret it, but not before choosing the Amex as payment method to get a few points back. The reassuring message appears on the screen: "Prepare for an amazing experience!"
Mariana will love this surprise, he congratulates himself.
In Sardinia, a few months later, Mariana and Paul head straight to the Hertz counter at the airport. After a failed attempt to get the convertible Opel he had reserved, a disappointed Paul heads out with Mariana in a Fiat Panda for the 2-hour drive from Cagliari to Nuoro.
On the way, Mariana’s curiosity peaks: So, are you telling me more about what we’re doing on this island?
I’m sorry honey, I can’t reveal anything yet, says Paul winking at her. But I’m sure you’ll love it.
They arrive at the address provided by Airbnb. The house is tiny, painted purple and looks like it has been there for at least a hundred years, yet very well kept.
Paul knocks and almost immediately the door opens, revealing Francesca: a one-meter-high wrinkly old lady with lively blue eyes that sparkle in the sun.
Come in, come in. You must be Mariana and Paul, she says loud and clear in her thick Italian accent.
The nonna catches their amazed looks at her decrepit physical state and says: I'm actually 107 years old, but Airbnb doesn't allow people over a 100 years to lead an experience, she winks. Fools! If only they knew the powers of the limoncello... she whispers under her breath.
She leads them to the small kitchen table. I’m at your complete disposal, she says while getting some appliances and ingredients out of the way and placing two fresh basil bouquets on the table. But I understand you have come here to learn the secrets of su filindeu. The whole process will last about 3 hours. First…
3 hours? Paul interrupts her. Wasn't it supposed to last 3 days??
Mariana opens her eyes wide, getting more surprised by the minute and understanding less about what’s going on.
Well, that's the longest it can take, says Francesca. In the past few years I've found ways to improve the process, making it more efficient for you. Here, I'll show you. Did you bring the water?
Mariana smiles and hands Francesca a nearly full bottle of water that she bought at the airport. Francesca adds some to a bowl with white flour. Then some eggs.
And now, my secret ingredient, just some piccoli grains of salt. She starts mixing with her hands. Now you do it.
Mariana and Paul take turns until the mix turns cohesive and malleable. Paul gives an apologetic look to Mariana, knowing this is far from “authentic.”
This is actually the favorite part of most guests, says Francesca with loving eyes, trying to gain points for her Airbnb review.
With a dramatic voice and pulsing eyes, Francesca says: Now let's make the threads of God. She leads them to another part of the kitchen, cluttered with appliances. Ok, you're going to introduce the mix here and then you press this button.
Mariana and Paul look at the silver pasta machine with a big Barilla logo on it. That's it? asks Paul.
Yes! C'mon, do it quickly before the pasta dries up.
Reluctantly, Paul and Mariana introduce the mix on top and then push the red button. Immediately, these tiny, circular pieces of pasta come out. They’re like small criss-cut fries.
Great, now, let's cook the mushrooms, says Francesca.
And the truffles? I paid for that upgrade! says Paul, almost wanting to choke her.
Mamma mia! You're right, Francesca exclaims as she starts looking through a counter below.
Paul whispers to Mariana: I’m sorry, this is turning out different than I’d imagined.
Mariana is more amused than upset, and shrugs it off.
After a few clacking sounds below, Francesca finds the dried truffles.
Here, sprinkle a few on this bread. You too, darling, she says.
They both try them and look surprised at each other. These are actually amazing! says Mariana. Paul lowers his shoulders relieved, thinking that finally something is turning out right. Francesca slightly smiles, fantasizing about yet another great review.
Ok so that's one step less. Now, let's heat the remaining water so we can cook the pasta. We have to let it sit just below boiling point for 1 hour, and then add the filindeu for 3.7 minutes.
While waiting for the water to be ready and attempting to make the experience more enjoyable for Mariana, Paul tries to clumsily lead the conversation around topics she likes.
So, Francesca, what do you think about Leonardo da Vinci? Paul barely hears the answer as he feels a sharp pain arise in his stomach. He touches his belly instinctively, as the pain quickly becomes unbearable. His vision gets blurry while he sees Mariana bending on her seat as if she’s going to vomit. Turning to Francesca he musters some strength to ask if she has some medicine or something to help.
Oh my God, let me check. As Francesca starts looking through the cabinets, she sees Paul's iPhone light up on the counter. It's an email: "Write a review for Rent a Nonna." Francesca quickly grabs the cell phone and tries to unlock it. Face ID invalid. Enter code.
She sees Paul and Mariana contorting on the floor and manages to place the iPhone in front of his face to unlock it.
She opens the email and rates herself: 5 stars. Perfect experience.
Thank you
for shaping this story, and thank you , and for your helpful comments and feedback.Meta-commentary:
After I wrote Gallipoli to Tropea, I made a deep dive into Kurt Vonnegut’s Shapes of Stories1. He basically says that all stories, from the Old Testament to Cinderella, can be plotted in 8 shapes or structures:
Mapping out the previous story I wrote, I realized it falls into the Creation Story shape. By not being common, it’s one reason it might not work so well
I decided to structure Rent a Nonna as the opposite shape, From Bad to Worse, as a sort of companion piece
The phrase "Rent a Nonna" popped into my head many years ago while traveling through Italy and thinking about my first encounters using Airbnb. I told my wife, and we joked about how that experience would work and then forgot about it. It recently came back to me while brainstorming ideas for my first dips into fiction
If you want to have more fun than Paul on his trip or if this is not your cup of truffle, you can be more surreal here or find your next movie to watch here.
Watch this great video of him explaining it
Awesome story Oscar. I'm catching up on my newsletters and it's great to see that you're pivoting into fiction. You're a natural. Keep at it!
Loved this Oscar!! Hooked the whole way. Well done!