How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Loved the Bomb

Life Through Movies #1

Operating expenses due: US$9,741.13
Current balance: $164
Deadline: 2 days

I've run that calculation five times and the numbers don’t seem to change. I take another look at the company's bank account hoping it has somehow magically gone up.

Nope.

Then make another unnecessary calculation: the amount owed is equal to one year's rent in a nice Mexico City neighborhood, gentrification included. How did I get myself into this mess?

The now familiar hole in my stomach appears and the involuntary inward conversation starts: you shouldn't have invested in that expensive software... if only I'd been a bit more careful with my instructions for that campaign ad spend... should've sent that client invoice earlier... why weren't you able to prevent this?, it's obvious you weren't meant to be an entrepre--

I cold stop the train of thought as I catch myself spiraling down into a never-ending negativity loop.

Close my eyes, take a deep breath and repeat my mantra 3 times:

"How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Loved the Bomb"

"How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Loved the Bomb"

"How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Loved the Bomb"

I immediately feel the tingly pain in my stomach subside, quick relief like Pepto-Bismol for my soul. Clearly not a buddhist mantra, it's a movie subtitle from a Stanley Kubrick from the 60’s. The main title is Dr. Strangelove and it’s a short, hilarious black war comedy with the nuclear Cold War tension as backdrop. Surprisingly timely given our current world affairs. Pretty foreign to my present business debts.

Except for the subtitle.

I came across it years ago when researching the movie and was surprised by the way it starts with a descriptive, basic proposition and then switches to an over-the-top, absurd conclusion, reading like a how-to guide to calm my anxiety.

For me, “the bomb” is a hard problem, which I’ve come to accept I’ll face many throughout my life. If it’s inevitable, why worry about it and instead just learn to love it?

It has given me a strange confort reading it ever since. I now have it among the quotes at the start of my daily Google Keep to-do list and always come back to it when I start to feel trapped by a problem.

Like today. I read it again and it helps me re-focus my angle to start looking forward.
What are my options? I'm expecting a few client payments that should cover at least 70% of the amount.

Unfortunately nothing is certain in this informal Mexican culture I live in, but I'll start applying pressure and getting commitment from the clients right now. Employees are always the priority. Worst-case scenario I ask for a loan I have immediate access to. I risk losing a bit of money with the interest but not even a nuclear threat would make me fail on their paychecks. I can buy time with credit cards if I pay the minimum. I'll offer a scarcity discount to that lead that's on the fence. See? It's not that bad.

48 hours go by.
Actually, 48 frenetic, enjoyable and fulfilling hours go by. Would it have made a difference if I spent them worrying and beating myself down? Of course, for the worse.

4:13pm, I get a notification on my phone. The last wire I'm expecting has come through. Just in time. I make a quick transfer paying for the last remaining balance of the credit card less than 8 hours before the deadline. There's even a small amount left in the account.

I had a few ideas during the last days in order to avoid this kind of situation, excited to implement them. Next month is looking brighter.

If not, it'll be another opportunity to learn how to Love the Bomb.

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LOOK OUT FOR:

• Don’t be deterred by the movie being “old” or war/politically oriented, I usually find it hard to get into movies made prior to 1990 and I’m not very into politics. This is an exception. It’s only 94 minutes (not common at the time), smartly funny (considered one of the best comedies of all time) and timeless (here we are 60 years later discussing on Twitter the possibility of nuclear war).

• You may know the director Stanley Kubrick from 2001: A Space Odyssey or The Shining, this movie was the last he made prior to those big ones. One of the most important directors ever, you can already see his genius even in this earlier film, his only comedy. Notice how the huge and meticulously-made main war room plays an important role in the power and control dynamics theme of the movie. For example here, he wants you to see how small all the characters really are, even though their ego makes them feel otherwise:

• The war satire theme is pretty obvious, let’s see if you can spot the sexual angle.

• Fun facts:

  • Kubrick was an infamous perfectionist, during filming he’d repeat takes more than 120 times, attempting to get the actors into a trance to elicit natural performances. Some would disagree, like Shelley Duvall, who vowed to never work with him after starring in The Shining

  • The film release had to be delayed due to Kennedy’s assassination. Understandably, too much for the moment

  • The actor Peter Sellers plays three different, important roles in the movie (from US President to British officer to former Nazi). This decision came from the studio since they thought he was the reason for the success of the director’s previous film. How naive.

Enjoy!